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Monday, February 4, 2013

J&B MET 2013 PART 2 /// THE SKATTIE, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? AWARDS

This kind of mean post is always the worst one to put together for me dear skat, probably why I only do it only once a year, my previous one was a year ago, also with pics taken at the J&B, which is such a massive dress up party that one is bound to find these gems. but this kinda post really breaks my faggotty little heart. I like to think of myself as a radical optimist, I like to see the very fucking best in every1, yes even in people with apartheid era taste levels. But it has to be done, if not to help our fellow wo/man, then at least to warn future generations of those times when kak kak kak looks happen to otherwise good people.  To remind them/ourselves that long is the road from intention to execution, and while on that journey let’s keep our eyes on the road and stay away from the crack pipe.

So, because I just can't dzeal,  I’ve put together a jury of 3 fags (bubble bubble, toil and trouble), made up of myself, Fumi and Sandiblouse. We all know how patient, kind and understanding fags can be when it comes to these things. Should you find yourself nominated to be a  recipient of the Skattie What the Fucking Fuck? Award, don’t be mad, take the counseling, go home, meditate on it, talk to the God of your understanding, ask yourself, “what the fucking fuck was I thinking?” , and should life give you an opportunity to right these wrongs, make sure to get a second opinion. Actually fuck that, your friends and family obviously can’t be trusted, go ahead and get 99 opinions and work with that.

F: If you gonna go see-thru from midriff down, then please minca gel, please man
M: See? it happens to skinny girls too.
A: All hail the Empress Josephinia
F: *sigh* and on her way out of Mavericks she grabbed the first fag she could find and she headed for the races
S: We all have a little Ke$ha in us but this girl is so far ahead she has s/s 2014 Ke$ha on lock.

F: Forget Tweedledee and Tweedledum, we have Parfait and Pavlova over here
M: Instagrow - first you stick it on your weave, then you irrigate it, then it grows, see? easy.
S: Oh look the mirror didn't make her any different
S: Did she just take swim in a strawberry daiquiri?
F: The convention of girls who don't know when to stop
S: The J&B colours to a J&B event? Talk about brand activation.
F: He looks like might try to sell you snake oil later
S: That time when Gert got tired of getting his croissants from the bakery
M: "Hold on for a sec I'm getting a message from Dione Warwick"
M: "Nope, no it wasn't her"
F: And Gert checks one more time to see if the vortex is still intact
M: *must not look to the left, must not look at the nigger balls, must not look at the nigger balls, must not look at the nigger balls*
F: tired of being confused with a french lesbian, he decided to grow his armpit hair on his shoulders instead
S: *sigh*
F: I would love to see the original look that inspired this
M: Did no one tell her that she was supposed to actually climb out of the cake?
S: Where are my eggs? asked the ostrich
F: She represents a demographic that I feel I need to speak to.
S: She took the whole peplum thing way too far.
S: Look at that! Big Rich Texas is in town! Not.
F: A hat for your face? now that's a novel idea!
M: that time when her bird told her the ancestors loved her outfit
F: Aaaaaaaarrrrrhhhh me matey!
M: Before you leave the house take off the last thing you put on 
M: *sigh*
F: *shakes head* *hands up in air*
F: Ladies, a day at the races usually means walking around on grass, those are not the shoes and that is certainly not the outfit.
M: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? Mocha-chocolata yaya.


F: Somewhere out there is a very very embarrassed teenage daughter
S: Bumblebees were also 'Made To Fly'

AND SOMETIMES ONE COMES ACROSS A NOMINEE THAT PERSONIFIES AN AWARD, A NOMINEE WHO HAS WORKED SO HARD ON THEIR OUTFIT THAT FOR THIS ONE EFFORT THEY DESERVE AN AWARD WORTHY OF THEIR ENTHUSIASM. RAISE YOUR DALI TAMBO PEOPLE OF THE SOUTH CUSHIONS TO OUR RECIPIENT OF THE 'SKATTIE, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD'
F: He went past gladiator and headed straight for centaur.
S: One less cow in his dad's kraal
M: What not to do with lobola

P.S. CLICK HERE FOR PART 1 : THE GOOD STUFF

7 comments:

  1. Mara who keeps doing this to those poor YFM twins? those blue ensembles are a very cruel joke shame man

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  2. Done Done Done!!!!!!!!! Haven't laughed out loud like this in ages

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  3. LOL!I Love the comment about the bird on my shoulder. tehehehehe.

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  4. @Olwethu, I am so appreciating your sense of humour right now :-). It's been a tough day.

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  5. Absolutely hilarious - always love reading your blog. Fantastic sense of humour!hahahahaahaha

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  6. The centaur / Fawn / gladiator was the best.

    Word fail me. Thanks for brightening my day.

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