However, I do have a little indulgence, a little favourite, my monthly letters from Nataniël. Okay, they’re press releases from his pr team, obvs, but I ‘d much rather think of them as letters from the man, the enigma, himself, afterall the invites always say “rsvp to me, Nataniël at firstname.lastname@example.org”.
I like to imagine Nat in all his glory, with make up as thick as a layer of icing he might put on a cake, getting home after a day’s hard work of trying to find Suid Afrika’s beste boerewors. He changes into his floral Kimono, and suddenly, he shouts to himself, in that hoarse boere-seun-meets-Liza-Minelli voice we’ve come to love, “Ag jirre vok, I forgot to write a little letter to Mali to update him on the latest happenings in my life, kak maan, wat sal hy dink?”, and he’d whip out his laptop, I magine it would be red, or rose pink, to match the corsage he was wearing on his suit on the show this past weekend.
Met ‘n glasie rooiwyn in hand, he would start as he always does, “Dear Malibongwe” , he always uses my full name, “Come and be part of the exclusive and private preview of the 2nd & 3rd season of my fabulous TV show”. The above is an actual quote from a letter he sent in April, sadly I couldn’t make it. I mean, the event wasn’t just private or exclusive, it was both, kan jy fokken imagine? I have no doubt that I missed out.
But it’s not all about previews and TV with Nat, sometimes he sends me recipes, like die spek-en-eierpaste he sent me last week, ag maan dankie my skat, I’ll get onto it as soon as I can google translate it. By the way Nat my skat, I’ve noticed that lately your letters only come in Afrikaans, not in English as well like they used to. Alas, my Afrikaans is baie swak, can we get back to onse Engels letters?